How To Get Through The Holidays
The holidays are a beautiful time of year. They are also, in the best of times, incredibly stressful.
This year, we are entering the holiday season in the worst of times: many of us have lost loved ones, are coping with mental health challenges, remain physically isolated from our communities, or are simply burnt out from the relentless demands of these last ten months. How can we navigate this time with a little less stress and a little more joy?
More than ever, we need science-backed tools and practices that will help us to lean in to the joy and lean out of the stress, finding ways to embrace the best of the holiday season despite the very real challenges we face.
Here are six strategies that you can use in the coming weeks.
Check in with yourself to decide what is right for you this season.
For many of us, the holidays are a time of compromise: putting up with our more frustrating relatives for the duration of a meal, making a long-distance and traffic-filled trip to gather, or spending the day with your partner’s family when you would really rather be with yours.
This year, we need to identify what isn’t on the table for compromises, like pandemic safety habits or our exposure risk. Each of us has to decide what is right for our unique situation (and for some of us, this might even be a freeing exercise to contemplate the holidays released from external expectations!)
Take a few minutes to list out what the best-case scenario would be for your holiday season this year. Then, articulate any non-negotiable safety requirements. Looking at both of these lists together, consider how you might creatively fulfill your goals while still addressing the requirements. You might even discover that there are new, positive experiences that emerge out of these constraints.
Respect other people’s decisions.
We have to respect that people will make the decisions that are best for them, even if they are different from our own decisions or the ones we would make in their shoes.
If you’re making the decision, clearly communicating your boundaries, your requirements, and your decision is essential. Clarify where you are open for compromises (like a socially-distanced outdoor picnic) and where you are not (an overnight trip to stay in the same house with multiple other family members.) While it is never easy to make decisions that might disappoint someone else, making it as clear as possible will help to avoid hurt feelings and miscommunications.
If you’re impacted by someone else’s decision, recognize that you can experience sadness and disappointment, while simultaneously respecting their decision as the path that was best for them.
Accept your feelings, whatever they are.
For many of us, the holidays will look decidedly different this year. Even if you consciously chose to change your plans or stay away from your family for everyone’s safety, you will likely still experience challenging emotions like sadness, grief, anxiety, and nostalgia. Just because you made the decision doesn’t mean that it is without its' complications or pains.
The best thing that you can do in these moments is to face and accept these feelings. Research has found that suppressing or ignoring your negative emotions backfires and makes them stronger. One powerful strategy is to name the emotion out loud, stating “I feel sadness” or “I am angry.” This act helps to soothe and minimize the strong, turbulent emotions so that you can respond in a more thoughtful, effective manner.
Consider your relationship with social media during this time.
If you made a decision to put the greater good ahead of your own self-interest by staying home this holiday season, it can be very painful (and potentially enraging) to see your friends and acquaintances making different choices.
Instead of defaulting to a nonstop rage-scroll, consciously consider how you want to use apps like Instagram and Twitter. Would it help to delete them during this time? Prepare in advance for the possibility:wWhen you see something that is painful, will you mute them, unfollow them, or shut the app?
It’s helpful to remind yourself that your social media feed is like your virtual home. You get to decide who gets invited in and when they are asked to leave. You have no responsibility to continue hosting guests who disrupt your hard-won peace, especially in these challenging times.
Find new ways to enjoy what’s best about the holiday season.
The holidays are special for many people because they help us to connect to our loved ones, feel a sense of comfort and coziness, and offer us the space for reflection. We have all developed certain rituals and habits that fulfill these needs, like your mom’s special roast, the Christmas Eve movie ritual, or the annual trip to the mall to visit Santa. The pandemic might make many of these existing rituals and habits impossible, but we can redesign new ones that fulfill these same needs and help us to feel more of the holiday spirit.
Write down your five favorite parts of the holiday season, and then identify how you might either tweak or replace them. It won’t make up for missing your mom’s roast, but the novelty and excitement can help to ease any sadness and give you a helpful outlet to tide you over until next year.
Give back.
While giving is always an important part of the holiday season, this year it is more important than ever, with the increased scope of suffering that so many are facing. Not withstanding those in emotional pain from losing loved ones to this illness, millions are currently experiencing food insecurity, fear of eviction, and increased exposure to the virus in the latest surge. Giving back to others is one of the most reliable ways to increase our own well-being.
Identify two or three ways that you can give back to others this season. Whether it is volunteering, raising or giving money, mentoring or giving of a particular skill, or donating food, gifts, or other items, we can all help to lighten the heavy load for those who are struggling.
Here are a few of our favorite ways to give to get you started:
Dropping off prepared food or groceries for anyone in your life who has been severely impacted by the pandemic
Checking in on your friends and loved ones who are spending the holidays on their own, and finding ways to boost their spirits
Identifying a target population that needs support (such as the Native American community, which has been disproportionately affected by the virus) and donating to a charity supporting their community
Consider how you might share your skills or gifts to help other people, such as posting on LinkedIn that you’re willing to help review resumes or interview prep for those who are in your field