The Cat Problem: What's Getting In The Way of You Achieving Your Dreams

Trying versus Doing.

Once, there was a spiritual teacher who had a cat. During group meditation, the cat would clamber around, distracting everyone. The teacher decided the best solution was to tie up the cat to a pole so that everyone could focus on their meditation. Over time, it became a ritual: you had to tie the cat up before meditating. The cat had become the reason they could meditate. One day, the cat died. The community was distraught. How could they meditate now? They couldn't. There was no cat. 

This is the Cat Problem. Our near-magical ability to find reasons to justify not doing something, even if it something that really matters to us.

The Cat Problem is one of the sneakiest villains in our minds, because it stops us from living our true potential. It only shows up when we are trying to pursue our most cherished dreams or follow our most important callings. And that's why we must learn to shoo the cats away from our goals and potential.

Identifying Your Cats

Pause and ask yourself this question: Who or what is getting in the way of you pursuing your dreams? 

Your spouse. 

Your kids.

Your home. 

Your background. 

Your busy work schedule.

Your boss. 

Those idiots you work with. 

The pandemic. 

Meet your cats. The reasons you are using to avoid doing the things that really matter to you, that will really matter to the world, the things that might even change the world. Sometimes our reasons come from our external circumstances. Sometimes they come from our past. And sometimes they come from the people we love most in the world.  

Why do we need Cats?

The painful truth, one that I reckon with on a daily basis, is that the reasons are just excuses. 99% of the time, it is you who are getting in your own way. But this is very hard to admit to ourselves. So instead, we come up with our litany of reasons explaining why we haven't made the leap, written the page, gone on the run, or made the phone call.

No one is unreasonable to themselves. As Benjamin Franklin said, “So convenient a thing to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for every thing one has a mind to do.” MRI machines have observed that the brain sends a signal to take action first, before the conscious thought to take action has even been formed. Action comes first, and thought follows. 

When you don’t do what you mean to do or want to do, you have to justify it with a reason. Maintaining a cohesive self-image is a compelling psychological driver that unfortunately often means we don't pursue our dreams and limit our potential.  And it’s far easier to look outside of ourselves and say, I didn’t do it because of that damn cat, than it is to look at ourselves and say, I didn’t do it because I just chose not to do it. Ouch. 

Here’s a quick way to prove this to yourself. 

Look at this past week, and think about something you meant to do or wanted to do, but didn't. Ask yourself, why didn't this happen? Watch as the reasons appear out of thin air. We rarely answer with the truth: I chose not to do it. 

Here’s my example. This week, I didn’t write for four days — despite having a goal to write every day. 

My first reason: I had a lot to do at home this week. My second reason: I was focusing on other priorities. My third reason: Alex needed my help this week. Then a fourth reason. Then a fifth reason. They keep bubbling up! Until my questioning yielded the truth: I chose not to do it. 

And oh, god, how painful that is to admit to myself, and to admit it to all of you. It's gut-wrenching. Writing is the most important professional activity in my day, my most cherished ambition. I want to create great work, and the only way to do that is to sit down and do it. It hurts to admit to myself that I simply chose not to do it and that I lied to myself to justify that decision. 

This is the really tragic thing about the Cat Problem. It really only comes up for the things that are most dear and important to us: our dreams, goals, cherished ambitions. I never hear of anyone coming up with reasons not to pick up their kids at school on time, or to take their spouse to the doctor, or to call on their mom’s birthday. They just do it. 

The Cat Problem strikes us in our most precious places precisely because those places represent a risk: the risk we take to be our truest selves and live our most authentic lives. In psychology research, this is known as self-handicapping, the tendency to create or claim an obstacle prior to a performance. We self-handicap when we are pursuing something new and risky; therefore, if we fail, we can point to that and blame it. 

“I would have done it, but my kid was sick.” 

“I wanted to call, but work got so busy.” 

“I meant to, but I decided that I actually want to do that anyway.” 

Pursuing our dreams is inherently risky and requires deep vulnerability. Each of us has to decide if the risk of pursuing it outweighs the cost of not pursuing it. And unfortunately, many of us dither, living in the Cat Problem for months and years, wasting our precious energy simultaneously dreaming of who we could be while coming up with reasons why we can’t do it. 

If experienced over and over, the Cat Problem can take a dark turn. If we repeatedly blame something outside of ourselves for not doing the thing that we really want to do, over time, this can calcify into an identity. We become victims to external factors.

Addressing The Cat Problem, once and for all

Where is the Cat Problem showing up in your life? Ask yourself: how long will you allow the cats to run your life? Will it be another year? 10 years? A lifetime? I’ve met people who’ve let the cats rule for their entire lives. 

Or would you like to take back control and use this moment to free yourself? 

Freeing yourself is so simple. All it takes is one step: do the thing. 

Put your running shoes on. Open up the Word document. Call the person. Look up the graduate program. Send a message to ask the question. Say no. Say yes. Stop trying, and just do. 

When you do it, watch and observe. Your reasons will evaporate. The cats will scatter.

Do the thing. 

Here are three strategies I use to help me with my Cat problem. (I’ve also shared ways of addressing three of the most common cats below, in the Be Happier This Week section.)

Ask, “Really?” The next time you catch yourself using reasons, call yourself out. Keep asking yourself, “Really? Is that true? Really?” Keep asking until you get to the truth. Over time, you’ll train yourself to stop using reasons. 

Find a role model. Think of someone you admire. You’ll likely see that they were someone who never let reasons get in their way. When I catch myself stuck in the Cat Problem, I think about one of my heroes: Terry Fox. He ran across Canada (averaging 26 miles a day, for 143 days) on one leg to raise money for cancer research. No one asked him to do this, and not a single person would have blamed him if he decided not to do it. If he didn’t let that reason distract him, I’m pretty sure I can do whatever it is I’m afraid of. 

Project yourself into the future. Imagine that you never do the thing. What are the consequences? What does it look like? Paint a vivid picture for yourself: do you want this to be your postcard from the future? If not, use it as motivation to, once again, just do the thing. 

Find someone to hold you accountable (and make you giggle.)  Share this article with a friend, and ask them to meow at you when they notice the Cat Problem creeping in. Not only will it make you laugh, but it will be an effective way to support one another in changing your behaviors.