The Caddy Trick: How To Get Through Life’s Tougher Moments

I feel like our New Happy community doesn’t exactly intersect in a big way with the golfing community beyond my most loyal readers, my parents (Hi Mom & Dad 🥰) but give me a shout if you’re out there, and feel free to skip the next paragraph!

The golf caddy

While playing in tournaments, professional golfers bring along another very important person as a part of their team, who in the game of golf is called a caddy. The caddy accompanies the pro along the course throughout the game, playing a number of roles. Utility-wise, they carry the golf bags and help hand over, clean, and store the clubs after usage; but more importantly, and most significantly, they are also there to offer advice, support, and their perspective on how to navigate each step of the long golf game. For the pros, their caddy is like their secret weapon to help them win when the stakes are high.

It’s also something that the non-pro golfer can take advantage of. When you’re a golfer visiting a course, you often will take a caddy out with you who has been working at that golf club for years, seen thousands of games played, is an expert in golf, and knows the course like the back of their hand. Playing with a caddy gives you an incredible advantage of learning from their wisdom without having to have gone through that journey yourself.

The life caddy

My dad, one of our few golf-loving-New-Happiers, posed this question to me the other day: are there other types of caddies, ones that aren’t for the golf course, but for the hard-for-us moments in our life?

I loved this idea so much. A life caddy! Someone who has the wisdom or the strengths to help you navigate challenging moments in your life, and can you call upon them in the moment? And could having their voice in your head, giving you support, help make those moments a little bit easier?

Here’s how it works: the next time you’re contemplating something that intimidates you, that seems too tough to push through, that is a stretch for you, mentally call upon someone who would find that situation easier, more fun, or less challenging than you would, and imagine that they are standing next to you, coaching you, imbuing you with their strengths, and sharing their wisdom about what to do. Instead of telling you, the way a golf caddy would, to ‘aim to the left, to avoid the bunker up ahead,’ your life caddy might tell you to ‘take a deep breath right now, this will pass, when this happened to me I thought I wouldn’t survive, but I did, and you will too.’

Sometimes I call upon my Cory caddy, one of my best friends who is incredibly outgoing, to help me through situations where I feel awkward or shy. All I need to do is ask, “What would Cory do right now?” and I’m able to transcend my limited self to be the most loving and kind version of myself, a version of myself that is inspired and strengthened by her simple way of being, something that she takes for complete granted but that I continuously marvel at.

If you’re anything like me, there are so many people in your life who inspire you with their strengths and attributes and what they’ve persevered through, people who have experiences and traits that I will never have, the way Cory does for me. I think about my boyfriend Alex for his gritty determination, my brother for his steadfastness, my mom for her empathy and strength, my dad for his wisdom, my sister for her courage. These are things I want to embody but sometimes struggle to do, particularly in the tough moments or when the stakes are high. Instead of putting all that pressure on myself to be different than I am, choosing a life caddy helps me see how it feels to have them at my (mental) side, to draw from their greatest attributes as an inspiration and a support. Anything with less self-judgment and more self-compassion is a win in my book.

Who are your people? Maybe make a quick list, articulating the awe-inspiring strengths of each of your loved ones, and have it handy in the future.

And then, the next time you’re in an unfamiliar spot, or going through a challenging moment where you feel like you’ve depleted your reserves, or wish you had the life experience to handle whatever crap it is you’re staring at, try imagining that one of your people is standing next to you, acting as your life caddy for that moment. They’re just behind you, to the left, watching the situation unfold, and they are there to help you through it with their best guidance. Who do you call upon? Perhaps you call upon your most courageous loved one the next time you need to be brave: in that moment, how would they coach you and guide you through it, using their skills and strengths? When you need strength to face an unprecedented challenge, who is there, cheering you on and telling you what you need to hear?

We’re all exceptional in different ways - and isn’t this great news, because it means we don’t have to be exceptional in all the ways. We have the people around us who we need, who can help, who support us. And what a lovely goal to strive for, personally - living your strengths enough that someone else, someday, is inspired to use you as their caddy, is pretty damn great.