Climb Your Own Mountain
If you ever decide to climb Mount Everest, you'll do it guided by a Sherpa. Sherpas are an indigenous local people that have lived in the Himalayas for thousands of years. Their role is to guide you at each step of the journey, prepare the route, carry your kit, and protect you in risky spots. They are extraordinary humans.
A lot of us have a tendency to look for a Sherpa-like figure in the rest of our lives: someone who will tell us which way to go, and how to find the correct, right, perfect path.
But it’s not possible to live your authentic, happiest life if you assign someone else to lead the way. We are all climbing our own mountains, and every single person's mountain is different. No one else can possibly know the path to the summit of anyone else’s mountain, because it is the act of climbing that creates the path. No one can lead the way, except you.
This is, of course, far scarier than having someone else guide you and point you in the right direction at each step. At the end of the day, your only real job in life is to find your way up your mountain and enjoy the experience. Why would you hand over your only job to someone else?
At first, it might be terrifying to think that there are no markers ahead. But if you shift your perspective, I promise that it will become invigorating.
The day you tune in to yourself and ask, which way do I want to go (putting aside your family, friend, and society's expectations) is a very important day. This is the way to true happiness.
Ask yourself:
Am I letting someone else tell me what is on my mountain or how to climb my mountain?
Am I stuck at the base of the mountain, waiting for someone to tell me which way to go?
Am I seeking out too much guidance, hoping someone will give me the "right" path up my mountain?
The answer to these questions will tell you if you've been waiting too long for a guide.
If so, there is only one solution: start climbing. Do one thing that you long to do, are curious about, or that makes you feel alive. If you don't know what that is, the best way to learn is to try stuff and then see how it feels. Then, repeat! Watch as you ascend and start enjoying the journey at the same time.
Imagine this: you climbed Mount Everest and your friend climbed Mount Whitney. Would you compare the time-to-summit against their climb? Of course not. They’re completely different mountains! It would be ridiculous.
And yet, we do this all the time with other people's mountains, and it has a negative effect on our well-being.
Research has found that using social media tends to promotes upward comparison, the comparison to others who seem to be doing better than us. "Their mountain looks pretty great in that picture, doesn't it?" we say to ourselves, not seeing the myriad other challenges that occurred as they climbed. Upward comparison leads to shame and envy, emotions that harm us. One study found that using Facebook to check on other people's climbs creates beliefs like, "others have better lives than me" and "others are happier than me".
Here are three questions to ponder:
What situations or actions prompt me to compare mountains and how does it affect me?
Am I allowing comparison to distract me from doing what matters most, which is climbing?
What am I grateful for on my own mountain that is unique and special, and how does climbing my own mountain make me feel?
If mountain comparison is a challenge right now, here are a few strategies to help.
The first is to relentlessly and joyfully mute or unfollow people on social media whose content leads to comparison. Social comparison is an automatic process that has to be cognitively overridden, which takes up valuable energy.
When you feel tempted to compare, consciously shift your comparison reference. Instead of looking at someone else, look at your prior self. How far have you climbed? What have you learned? What hard parts have you conquered?
Whenever you catch yourself comparing, remind yourself of the mountain image. Tell yourself that they are on a blue mountain, and you are on a yellow one, and they are totally different. Remind yourself that you can't see their struggles as they climb and that your perspective is flawed every time we compare.
To be successful in our climb, we need to have friends who cheer us on from their own mountains and who we support and celebrate, too. From them we can continue learning tricks and tools from their expeditions that help us on our climb. And always, we remember that we are in charge of our own expedition.