The Aspect Of Your Health That You Might Be Neglecting
Having positive, high-quality relationships is the single most important factor to your long-term well-being and the quality of your life.
The research is overwhelming:
People who rank themselves “very happy” are those who have strong and positive relationships
The 80-year Grant Study at Harvard discovered that tending to your relationships is essential for a happy, long life
People who have stronger social relationships have a 50% increase in survival rates
Social connection is the single strongest preventative factor for depression
Those who are socially isolated or lonely have a greater risk of death, equivalent to the effect of smoking 15 cigarettes per day
Taking all of this research into account, it’s time for us to recognize a new aspect of our well-being: our social health.
Like we have had to with our physical and mental health, we have to learn how to intentionally take care of our social health. As the research clearly shows, this might be equally as important (or even more so!) for our overall well-being.
I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t value their relationships. But many of us don’t approach them with the intentionality that we do our physical health, or increasingly, our mental health. In fact, relationships seem to be the thing that continually get pushed to the back-burner in favor of other priorities, despite the fact that we name them as our top value.
There are three things that consistently get in the way of our social health, and today, we’re going to name them and learn how to tame them.
The Three Impediments to Social Health
If you’re trying to lose weight, you know that it’s probably not helpful to have your favorite cookies in the house. We have learned that cookies are a barrier to losing weight, and with that knowledge, we can design strategies that help us to avoid or minimize them. But because we haven’t been able to identify the barriers that get in the way of social health, they keep tripping us up. That ends today!
The three impediments to social health are:
The Daily Demands: Your boss is calling, the report needs to get done, there’s no milk in the fridge, your child is crying. Who has time to call a friend or family member in the middle of this never-ending chaos?
The Technology Temptation: Our addictive devices call to us, begging that we check what that little buzz in our pocket meant. They tether us to our work, the news, and strangers who we don’t actually know.
The Future Fallacy: We push off connection because we think that some day, once we’re through this project/event/stressor, we’ll be able to spend time with our loved ones. But that day never comes.
Now that they are named, we can learn how to address each of them with some small, science-backed tips that will lead to outsize effects on your overall well-being. If there is one impediment in particular that you’ve noticed especially interfering with your social health, start there. You can slowly add additional habits and routines as time goes on.
How To Beat The Daily Demands
Be present. We are more likely to feel overwhelmed when our attention is split amongst multiple tasks. When we feel overwhelmed, our brains won’t let us take anything else on, even if it really matters to us. That’s how we end up putting off coffee with a friend or calling your grandma for the 10th time. When you’re doing a task, be fully present for that task. This will help you to feel like you are more in control of your day’s demands.
Block off time for connection on your calendar. In the same way you would prioritize a visit to the gym or your therapist appointment, set aside time for connection with loved ones. If it’s a priority, make sure that is reflected on your calendar.
Find double-duty activities. One of my favorite strategies is to use my daily walks as a time to reach out to people. Whenever I have a phone call scheduled with someone, I grab my headphones and walk until it is over. What other activities could you layer connection onto? Get creative with it and play around until you find the double-duty activities that work for you.
How To Fight The Technology Temptation
Come up with technology rules and boundaries. This could be no phones while eating, no technology multi-tasking while talking, a room of the house where no technology is allowed, or a specific time of night that technology gets put away (or on Airplane mode.)
Brainstorm a code word to use if you notice someone in your family or house being distracted by technology during a conversation. Phubbing — snubbing someone with your phone — has been found to negatively impact communication quality and satisfaction with the relationship.
How To Override The Future Fallacy
Imagine your funeral and all of the people you’d love to have there, celebrating your life and impact. Write their names down. Once a day, look at that list and reach out to one person on it. While it might seem morbid, research has found that recognizing that time is limited leads you to make choices that are more aligned with your values.
Once a week, ask yourself, “How did I do at prioritizing my social health this week?” and give yourself a number between 1-10. The simple act of measuring and monitoring your progress will help to reorient you towards prioritizing relationships now, rather than in the future.
Start your day with a 5-10 second hug. This small act of connection can start you off on the right foot. A long hug releases oxytocin, which will reduce stress, calm you down, and help you to feel more connected.
Come up with family/house rituals that promote a sense of connection. In the morning, share one thing you’re looking forward to that day. At night, share one thing you’re grateful for, one thing you learned, and one thing that was hard. These rituals will encourage you to deeply connect, rather than simply existing in the same space.
Which strategy will you try this week to help you prioritize what really matters?