“Blame no one. Expect nothing. Do something.”
This epic quote comes from Bill Parcells, a legendary NFL coach who was known for taking struggling teams and turning them into champions.
I love it so much. It captures so many of my core values - and important lessons of well-being, both for ourselves and for society - in seven words.
Blame no one. We are all casualties of life’s chaos and challenges in different ways. All of us have been hurt, rejected, struggled, been broken, felt lost and scared. No one gets through life unscathed. It takes immense courage to acknowledge that suffering and to move past it, to choose to deny it the power to define you. Choosing not to blame yourself, someone, or the world, is one of the bravest things I can imagine a person doing.
Expect nothing. I often feel exasperated that much of our society seems focused on asking, “What do I want? What can life give me?” It makes for a world where we’re all hyper-focused on ourselves and our needs, leading us to forget those we share the world with. Instead, try to expect nothing, and to be grateful for everything. Stop expecting life to deliver upon your needs, and instead, think about what life is asking of you? Be surprised by it, be curious, take the call. The true gift of this lesson comes from holding the paradox of expecting nothing, but hoping for and working towards the best. Which leads us to…
Do something. Do good. Be the first to reach out. Be the first to love. Don’t wait for someone to ask you for help; just do it. You don’t have to make big, epic gestures; you don’t have to cure cancer; you don’t have to donate all of your money; you don’t have to go far out of your way. You just need to do one small thing, right here where you are, for whoever and whatever needs it right now. Assume that the world’s fate is in your hands, and that one tiny good act can make the world of difference.
The New Happy Links Of The Week
I’m a former elite athlete and I call BS on tech’s obsession with working long hours
There is so much unhelpful talk out there about achievement and productivity being the solution to all of our ills, such as the conversation celebrating hustle culture and the grind. This article does a fantastic job of dismantling the myth that long hours lead to success: “Our obsession with hard work is dangerous because it creates the narrative that if you don’t succeed, it’s because you didn’t work hard enough. If you’re sitting around watching YouTube videos all day, sure, you’re not going to be successful. But just because something doesn’t work out, doesn’t necessarily mean you should have worked harder.”
How to apply it: Set a limit to how many hours you work a week (studies suggest 50 is optimal!) and work backwards to allocate your hours to your top priorities. Incredible results require periods of both focus and of recovery, so ensure you’re building in time to take breaks where you’re completely disconnected from your work.
12 truths I learned from life and writing:
This 2017 Ted Talk from writer Anne Lamott is one that I revisit frequently, particularly when I’m looking for some wisdom, wit, and joy. I watched it again this week and wanted to share it with all of you. Lamott is one of my favorite authors - her work Bird by Bird remains my all-time favorite book on writing - and she has a gift for sharing life lessons in a compelling, non-moralizing way. To wit: “My inside self is outside of time and space. It doesn't have an age. I'm every age I've ever been, and so are you, although I can't help mentioning as an aside that it might have been helpful if I hadn't followed the skin care rules of the '60s, which involved getting as much sun as possible while slathered in baby oil and basking in the glow of a tinfoil reflector shield.”
How to apply it: Anne’s guidance on writing (and by extension, other hard things and big, hairy, audacious goals) is transformative. “Every writer you know writes really terrible first drafts, but they keep their butt in the chair. That's the secret of life.” Whatever it is you desperately want to achieve, put your butt in the chair and keep it there for 10 minutes. Then repeat tomorrow. And repeat. And watch what magic happens.
A sense of purpose could prolong your life
A new study in JAMA discovered that purpose helps you to live a longer life. Looking at 7,000 people ages 50 and older, the researchers looked concluded that “purpose proved to be more indicative of longevity than gender, race, or education levels, and more important for decreasing risk of death than drinking, smoking, or exercising regularly.”
How to live it: The study also found that it doesn’t matter what your purpose is. As long as you have a main self-organizing aim for your life, you’ll reap the rewards of purpose. Don’t get twisted trying to find the perfect purpose - instead, choose some people or things to help serve, and go out and live your life focused upon them. (You can always change your mind!)
Want some inspiration? Check out our interview with Amelia Brodka on living your purpose!
I’ve been partnering with Inceptive, an amazing nonprofit that helps parents to navigate work and parenthood. I recently led a webinar for their members on cultivating well-being as a parent, which you can watch here (non-parents will also find the content relevant!) Let me know what you think!